by SUNSHINE DIEM
Photo taken at Gates of the Mountain 07/05/2022
This piece of literature does not have a clear happy ending, but it does explain why I named my blog Icarus. Reader beware.
- Power
- Youth
- Confidence
The Icarus phenomenon.
In Greek mythology, Icarus, son of Daedalus, did not survive his transition into manhood. After angering the King of Crete, Daedalus and Icarus were condemned to spend the rest of eternity in the labyrinth. To escape, Daedalus fashioned wings for both himself and his son out of wax and feathers. Daedalus warned Icarus not to fly too low because he would fall into the water and drown. He also warned him not to fly too high because the wax would melt, and he would fall to his death.
Power: The stark contrast from being stuck in the labyrinth to being able to fly gave Icarus the power trip of his life. Without looking back at his father, his feet left the ground, and he flew away. Do I blame him? Not in the slightest. I was in the same school system with the same 25 kids for my entire education, K-12. In many ways, it felt like being stuck in the labyrinth. I felt loved and supported, yet constantly alienated. I knew I was not cut from the same cloth as my peers quickly in elementary school. I raised my hand to read at every opportunity, was the first to volunteer for the boom whacker solos in music class, and started political fights on the playground with a bunch of 3rd graders. I hit my breaking point at the end of my junior year of high school and almost dropped out. I felt so trapped, isolated, and felt like I was on the verge of insanity. After leveling with myself and my peers, I decided to push through it and get a diploma. When it came time to move into college, I convinced my parents to let me pack up my car and drive the 4 hours to campus on my own. I was escaping my labyrinth. I was getting my wings. The surge of power flowing through my veins as I drove down the interstate was just enough to get me to inadvertently collide with another car going 83 mph. How do we use our power? Now because this is my blog, I have full power to tell you about some phony messages on how power is a gift and to use it wisely, but honestly, I do not know yet. I am not sure I even understand the power I have, or lack thereof. Having power is both confusing and frightening. In a strange way, I find it beautiful. I am young and the world is my canvas. How I use my power to paint this canvas is completely up to me, so you better hope and pray I learn how… or just stay off I-94.
Youth: Icarus was just a kid. I am currently embarking on my “coming of age” journey. Realistically speaking, Icarus and I are/were on 2 very different paths. Icarus was fighting for his life and paying for the sins of his father while I am a relatively privileged young woman trying to make a name for myself. Metaphorically speaking, however, I really empathize with young Icarus. First of all, and let’s just get this out of the way, disappointing your parents. I know my parents are proud of me for a number of reasons, but I also know that they haven’t agreed with all the decisions I have made, especially in the last few years. I love them dearly, and despite their lack of agreement, they support me, nevertheless. After my first year of college, I decided not to come home for the summer. I wanted to keep my wings spread. I loved my job, found a perfect apartment and a kick-ass roommate, and honestly, did not want to go back to the labyrinth of my hometown. I struggled with my job there, and after having freedom for the previous year, could not rationalize the thought of having to report to my parents again. I of course have the utmost respect for them, but really value my independence. Not to mention I have a reputation in my hometown that I did not want to deal with (I will dive deeper into this in a future blog, don’t worry). There are people there, teens and adults alike, who think I’m crazy, like genuinely psycho. They think I party hard, smoke weed, have no filter, love to start fights, make up rumors about guys, and have no boundaries. I’ll tell you right now only 2/6 of those are actually true. My hometown is also filled with people who love and support me, but I knew that their love would follow me no matter where I went or called home.
Confidence: Spread your wings and fly right? Icarus, without a single consideration of his father’s advice, had full confidence in his ability to use his new wings to fly and get out of the labyrinth. This is where we really dive into these parallels as to why I named the blog Icarus. Flying too low, lack of confidence. Flying too high, exceeding confidence. See what I’m getting at? My power trip quickly faded after getting to college. Within the blink of an eye, I was one on a campus of thousands. I did not get a job right away, in hopes of prioritizing my education and acclimating to the flow of campus life. I was in one club that met twice a month. I did not get into the party scene, so my weekends were pretty standard. My life quickly faded into a grey, neutral, unrelieved state. There were days when getting out of bed and showering was considered a success. My confidence was at an all-time low. I flew too close to the water and began to drown. Come second semester, I developed a workout routine, got a fulfilling, hands-on job, and amped up my credits in school. I also registered my business and obtained sole proprietorship, upgraded my equipment, and started “apprenticing” with some amazing photographers, Mckenna Haverluk (Studio 3:23) and Haley Mercedes Photography.
Furthermore, my confidence skyrocketed. I was getting back in shape, booking photo shoots, making money, and fulfilling my mind, body, and soul. Consequently, I faced some MAJOR burnout as the end of the semester approached. In a constant state of exhaustion, I began to drag myself to the million obligations I had each day. I flew too close to the sun. I began to melt.
When they say Icarus did not survive the transition into manhood, they did not mean metaphorically. He did not make a silly mistake that damned him to spend eternity pushing a rock up a hill like Sisyphus. As he disappeared from his father’s sight, Daedalus frantically searched the sky and sea for his son. He peered down at the water and saw feathers floating on its surface. Icarus’s power, youth, and confidence all pushed him to fly as high as possible, chasing the sun. His wings melted, and he plummeted to his death. I often fear what I will do with my youth. How will I learn to navigate the power I obtain? How do I support the right balance of confidence? The writing in this blog will reflect my journey of balance, coming of age, and flying too close to the sun.
The Icarus phenomenon.