by: SUNSHINE DIEM
Photo taken in Hanover, PA
To whom it may concern:
I chilled out.
The first portion of this year was spent finishing college.
The middle portion of this year was spent taking photos, settling into my “big girl job”, and growing in love.
The last part of this year, everything came to a peaceful halt.
With sheer honesty I must say, there is just too much to share about 2024. The biggest theme was growing up and adjusting. There is a lot of irony and hypocrisy to even writing this blog, as one of the lessons I learned was that not everything needs to be shared. Moreover, the medium and manner of which you share matters (points for alliteration). Part of growing up is realizing the impact of words, the value of time, and acknowledging you do not know as much as you think you do.
Currently, I work for a Catholic radio station. I spend a lot of time listening to and hosting interviews, all of which have a purpose. The content we produce includes sharing the mission of the gospel, providing information about events in the area, and sharing inspirational stories. In my time listening to and being on the airwaves, I now question if what I share also needs a purpose.
I could go into the details of finishing college. I could share that I started a 9-5 and still can not properly sort a spreadsheet. I could tell you I learned a lot about the shift of adult friendships and relationships. I could tell you I overcame fears in the gym. I could open my heart and discuss the gained and lost love.
I could tell you a lot of things.
But is there a purpose? Is there a “call to action?” Is there an inspirational ending?
All this to say, I just love writing. Despite what I have learned, I will always love sharing. Whether or not it is impactful, the art of telling stories and putting your thoughts together is one of great merit. In fact, you know those annoying essays that go above online recipes, the ones where they talk about their grandma teaching them to peel an apple, the ones you click “jump to recipe” to avoid because you simply couldn't care less? Well, once upon a time, women were not given spaces to write, share, or tell their stories. Nobody listened or cared about what they had to say. They would write stories on recipe cards, knowing it was a sure, sound way for it to be passed down.
As a modern woman, with the gift of media and free speech, I am choosing to share my stories. Maybe, in honor of the women before me, I will write a recipe at the end of this. You will have to read all the way through to find out!
I am living in answered prayers. I am working in a field where I can use my voice, connect with people, and glorify the Lord. My schedule is simple and slow. My health is in check. I have strong friendships and community.
I have found myself in a place I prayed I’d be some day. So now what? What do you do at a standstill? Is it time to set new goals, or to enjoy the so-longed for stillness?
The past 12 months have looked very different from my usual endeavors. For so long, I was living on a continuous, moving checklist. My life was saturated with travels, clubs, sports, photo-shoots and editing, assignments, numerous jobs, matters of the heart, health issues, family stressors, and countless other endeavors. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing, I was thinking or subconsciously stewing over something else.
Those who know me know I am always laughing, always speaking at a boisterous volume, always pondering the next life-altering idea, always taking on new projects, always moving.
I have now found myself in the eye of the storm. I graduated college, so no more assignments. I’ve finished my shoots and editing for the year. There are no club meetings to plan or attend. No intramural games to play in. No friend drama to drown myself in. My heart is intact.
After finishing my final photo gallery for the year, I ended up scrolling on my phone for hours (I will not disclose how many, but trust it was repulsive). After my head started to throb and my eyes were sore to the point of dryness, I sat my phone down, and stared at the ceiling.
Everything was still.
Everything was quiet.
Everything stopped.
I began to examine the aforementioned qualities of my life: the business, the answered prayers, etc. For the first time, perhaps since childhood, I felt truly and utterly bored.
It is a funny thing, seeing yourself in a place you’ve dreamed, hoped, and prayed for. Rest assured, I am far from a lot of my goals, but I can now see tangible evidence of getting there. So to answer my own question, of what I want to share, it is this:
I am now entering a phase of preparing, and not planning. I have exhausted myself, for so long, grasping at what I wanted to be. Now, I just want to be.
Lately, I have been using the word “trust,” as an ironic phrase, often pairing it with crossing my index and middle finger together. Upon further reflection… I have chosen it as a theme for 2025.
In the past 12 months, I have done a lot of trusting. In fact, as I sit down to write my 2024 recap and reflection, I do not want to look back. I have my eyes set forward. I do not have a mental checklist, no back-burner anxieties. In this new phase of having a big girl job, going to the gym, teaching my CCD class, and spending quality time with friends and family, I have come to love this slow, quiet life.
I am excited to buy a house.
I am excited to write a book.
I am excited to grow flowers.
I am excited to raise chickens.
I am excited to find a husband.
I am excited to hold my babies.
All of that will come when (if) God wills it. So long as I continue to grow in love, and prepare for the goodness ahead, all will be well. All is well. My heart is full.
My heart has danced, ached, and churned over the past year, all of which resulted in new blessings, ideas, creative sparks, epiphanies, and joys! Although I know I will continue to fall, cry, live, and learn, I have full trust in the Lord. Only goodness can grow when you trust in Jesus. Only goodness can grow when you spend each moment not only in appreciation for how far you’ve come, but how you got there! Only goodness can grow when you live each day doing your best to make the next right decision.
To wrap this up, I want to share a prayer I wrote, that encapsulates where I find myself entering the new year:
“Dearest Jesus, my best friend, my teacher, my helper, my guide, my strength, my joy, my life partner. Thank you. Thank you for being the air in my lungs when the darkness of the world took my breath away. Thank you for wiping the tears off my cheeks. Thank you for holding me when I felt small. Please breathe confidence and trust into my soul. Please provide the wisdom for my preparation, and withhold my mind from planning. The creator of the universe has already written my story. I need only you. I desire only you. I pray, one day, I can be where you are. Amen.”
Coconut Maple Latte:
- 2 shots espresso
- 1 C Whole milk
- A Splash of Coconut Cream
- 1.5 TBSP Maple Syrup
- Dash of salt
- Prepare espresso shots
- Steam & froth the milk
- Stir Maple syrup into espresso
- Combine milk, espresso, and coconut cream
- Top with salt